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My heart is already beating too fast--always too fast around you--and it is a struggle for me to keep from stumbling over my words as I walk over to the counter. You sit there casually, one foot propped on the swivel chair and elbows at the desk, making conversation with your co-worker--eternally relaxed. You direct the conversation to a familiar topic. When I re-run the lines spoken before, you assure me that you remember the conversation just as well as I do.
I gulp, grasping for words. I equivocate, suggesting that simplifying my name might be too concrete, too drastic, and too personal for me to handle.
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She's just a very nice, chat line oxford girls person that remembers details about a lot of people. A natural conversationalist--that's all. And then--without warning--you throw a wrench into my warm blanket of deflection: Your eyes light up, "Really?
Well, if you did change it, then I would have to marry you, so then my name would be '-. My heart skips a beat. Chat room support groups am stupefied that you just said that. I sit down. She's just nice, she's nice, dude, she's just bubbly and nice. She does this with everyone. I know!
I knowwwww! Jesus, just, please--don't fall over yourself.
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Just, keep this shit in your head, please, you are a crazy person. But around you, this is an impossible task.
Impossibly graceful. As always, the next hour plays itself out as if I were in a thunderstorm. It's a surreal experience; it is a drug.
As quickly as it starts, it is over. It is time. Time to ask her to grab some coffee, or eat a sandwich somewhere, sometime--very scary business. I exhale in the shower.
My mind works against me, racing back and forth. This is her job, that's a boundary man, that's impolite for you to get in her face and a1 chat rooms it, it's selfish. Well suppose that she wants you to cross it, it IS her job, and therefore, you're in a much less compromising position than she is.
Much less compromising indeed--how many creeps do you think a girl like her has to deal with on a daily basis? Who says chat sex pr and doesn't expect to get hit on?? What's the worst that could happen?
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